I’m not enough. I’m a fraud. I don’t know everything. I am too much. I am bad. Sound familiar? They are like those damn junior high friends who always had something not so nice to say in the back of your head. My work with my clients is about becoming shame resilient. This does not […]
What it takes to ACTUALLY change
I used to believe change wasn’t possible for someone like me. Why? Because I had evidence it wasn’t possible. I thought I was working really hard, but I actually wasn’t working at all. I bought books, they sat on my nightstand. I wanted to stop overeating, except for my nightly three bowls of ice cream. […]
Believe in Yourself – this is where it begins
In my own life, since I didn’t believe in myself, I leaned HARD on those who did believe in me. Over time, I exhausted them. I could not accept their belief in me, and would discount and ignore them, and yet keep going back for more validation. I just wanted to be able to see […]
Maybe this is as good as it gets?
Do you remember the 1997 movie As Good as It Gets? Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt playing people who were settling for a good-enough life. I hated that movie. Because it was my life and I didn’t want to accept it. Even back then, I knew I was climbing the wrong career ladder. I was […]
Say no. And stick to it.
If I say no, people will think I am mean. Only mean people say no. If you believe no = meanness, then you will have a hard time saying no. Your guilt will override your logic and your desires. In order to be able to say no to things you don’t want to do and […]
Choose your words carefully
Choose your words carefully. Your language will have an effect on your energy and can determine the results in your life. I am not talking about your word(s) for the year. I am talking about the words you use in your day to day language. The other day, my client told me she was tired […]
The first step to going gladiator
Bring it on. If you are going to mess with me, I’ll fuck with you. Sound familiar? That’s the first step to going gladiator. Going gladiator is when someone comes at you and you puff up. But really, it’s a way to disconnect from that awful feeling of shame (the voice of you are […]
Are you having courageous conversations?
You want to connect. So do I. In fact, you and I are hardwired for connection. But we don’t want to be vulnerable or expose ourselves to emotional risk. And vulnerability is the only pathway to connection. It’s the oldest Catch 22. And also the most painful. The key is courageous conversations. Saying the one […]
How to stop approval whoring
A listener once sent me an email asking me to stop using the word whore as it was derogatory. The old me was an approval whore. The old me would have immediately agreed with her without even considering what I thought. But the new me is a recovering approval whore, so I play by […]
How to protect yourself
How to protect yourself when someone is trying to hurt you. When someone is in their own shame storm they are prone to try to hurt you or hook you. When this happens first off notice how you are feeling. Do you feel shame? Do you want to react by fleeing, fighting or freezing? That would […]