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You’ve been brainwashed (and it’s not your fault)

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As a kid growing up in a lot of shame, I did not believe I belonged. As an adult, it’s important for me to create environments of inclusive cultures.  The theme song of my life is from the television show Cheers. I have cultivated the AquaMonsters to be a place of belonging.  Our team motto […]

LOVE

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Movies, songs, tv shows, books, magazines. They’re filled with evidence of the unending quest to find love. The quest for connection. Does your current “state of love” look anything like this artwork by Alexander Milliav? It takes courage to LOVE. It’s so easy to turn our backs on those we love, while at the same […]

Work is taking over your life …

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You want to do work you love. You want to enjoy your life outside of work, but your work is taking over your life. Did you know all jobs have delightful attributes as well as obstacles to overcome? Yes, there are obstacles. Yes, your job is to overcome them, not flee from them to another […]

The cost of complaining

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There’s an internal rumbling. It’s uncomfortable. It’s painful. All you want to do is get rid of it. You do that by complaining. You find short-term relief by letting it out. By complaining, you’re offloading your pain onto someone else. It feels good  … kind of like throwing up after a big ole’ tummy ache. […]

Self-hatred is alive and well

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Any of this sound familiar?   I’ll never be able to achieve [insert your goal]. What’s wrong with me? I work so hard, yet I’m not as successful as [insert the person you compare yourself with] There must be something wrong with me. I hate myself. I hate my life.   Those stories are filled […]

Will you rescue me?

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I want someone to feel sorry for me. So someone will rescue me. I want the white knight to come and fix my problem. So I don’t have to be vulnerable (uncertainty, emotional exposure + risk). I want the imaginary white knight because then I can bet on “him” instead of me. So I don’t […]

I Love Money

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I used to hate money. I used to be afraid of money. I believed that money did not come to people like me – the loser from loser street. Here’s the thing, money is neutral.  Money doesn’t cause pain or suffering. In fact, money doesn’t cause happiness either. It’s the commonly accepted stories about money […]

People pleasing sounds like a good thing …

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A number of years ago, a thoughtful, long-time listener sent me an email. She asked me to consider to stop using the term “approval whore.” She believed it was demeaning. Over the next few months, I percolated on her email.   While I understood her point of view, I also came to realize exactly why […]

Letting go of judgement

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  Does the judgement of other people stop you in your tracks? Are you afraid of being judged, and “stay small” in your life? Here’s the thing … no matter what, people will judge you. In fact, it’s not really other people’s judgement we are afraid of. It’s that their judgement could be true. Instead […]

Parenting is one of the bravest things we do

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Parenting is one of the bravest things we do. It’s hard. We are vulnerable and no matter how hard we try to protect ourselves, we are guaranteed to face uncertainty, emotional exposure and risk. While I was “sure” at 20 that I would never expose myself to the vulnerability of raising kids, life had other […]

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