Bring it on.
If you are going to mess with me, I’ll fuck with you.
Sound familiar? That’s the first step to going gladiator.
Going gladiator is when someone comes at you and you puff up. But really, it’s a way to disconnect from that awful feeling of shame (the voice of you are not enough and who the hell do you think you are). Going gladiator is a shield to shame, but it comes at a high cost.
My client was negotiating salary with a C-level employee. He wanted more and started to puff up with demands, which triggered my client’s shame of if I hold my ground, I’ll be a bitch. But instead of hearing that shame gremlin, my client became defensive. She got angry. She puffed up.
It may feel momentarily powerful to take a defensive stand, but the cost is quite high. For my client, it meant an unresolved contract. A leadership struggle, and a loss of trust. She is mad, angry and spending a lot of energy indulging in the drama of what has been said.
If this sounds familiar, don’t fret. I’m right there with you. Going gladiator is still my top strategy. Why? Because my knee jerk reaction is to protect myself from a threat.
Awareness is the key to making changes. Start here.
Feel your shame, instead of disconnecting from it. Understand the stories in the back of your brain that are fueling it.
Now when you walk into the meeting, you are aware of your shame and your shame stories. This awareness allows you to be more grounded as you negotiate your salary.