The one thing I know for sure is that we all want (and need) a place to belong. One of the things I work hard to create in every environment I’m a part of is a space where people can be exactly who they are. A space to belong. No fitting in to what others […]
This is how I used to do it: When I was in pain, I would pitch a tent, build a campfire and invite people (actually anyone willing to hear all the gory details at length) to sit with me. I was a great story fondler, going over + over the details of how I was […]
This is what TRY looks like: I’m trying to figure out the foods that fuel my body I’m trying to lose weight I’m trying to date I’m trying to be compassionate with myself I’m trying to lead my team at work. These are some of the things I hear from my clients. I ask, why […]
Do you remember the 1997 movie As Good as It Gets? Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt playing people who were settling for a good-enough life. I hated that movie. Because it was my life and I didn’t want to accept it. Even back then, I knew I was climbing the wrong career ladder. I was […]
If I say no, people will think I am mean. Only mean people say no. If you believe no = meanness, then you will have a hard time saying no. Your guilt will override your logic and your desires. In order to be able to say no to things you don’t want to do and […]
Choose your words carefully. Your language will have an effect on your energy and can determine the results in your life. I am not talking about your word(s) for the year. I am talking about the words you use in your day to day language. The other day, my client told me she was tired […]
Bring it on. If you are going to mess with me, I’ll fuck with you. Sound familiar? That’s the first step to going gladiator. Going gladiator is when someone comes at you and you puff up. But really, it’s a way to disconnect from that awful feeling of shame (the voice of you are […]
You want to connect. So do I. In fact, you and I are hardwired for connection. But we don’t want to be vulnerable or expose ourselves to emotional risk. And vulnerability is the only pathway to connection. It’s the oldest Catch 22. And also the most painful. The key is courageous conversations. Saying the one […]
A listener once sent me an email asking me to stop using the word whore as it was derogatory. The old me was an approval whore. The old me would have immediately agreed with her without even considering what I thought. But the new me is a recovering approval whore, so I play by […]
How to protect yourself when someone is trying to hurt you. When someone is in their own shame storm they are prone to try to hurt you or hook you. When this happens first off notice how you are feeling. Do you feel shame? Do you want to react by fleeing, fighting or freezing? That would […]