This isn’t a proud moment right now.
But it’s my turn to own my story and love myself in this moment as I share it with you.
The objections in my head say
Don’t do it!
You know better than to do this now so don’t bother sharing your wrong ways.
No one will ever know (really not true because my people Know. It’s not a secret to them.)
I just kept it a secret from myself.
But here’s the thing. I can’t outrun it.
I’ve actually shared my story with my clients.
And now it’s time to share with you.
This will remove another layer of shame that I’ve lived with when I sit here to write to you.
By sharing my story, I will be practicing what I teach and do.
I’m owning my story and loving myself.
Yes it’s brave.
Yes I’m vulnerable right now.
And there’s a voice in my head saying, “But Koren why do you need to write this? Just skip it.”
Nope. It must be done.
And I’m doing it with lots of love and compassion towards myself.
So here goes.
I used to be a BIG BLAMER.
When I was suffering or going through something difficult I sought out who to blame.
Whose fault was it?
Of course it wasn’t mine.
So I lashed out to others.
- I blamed them for not achieving my goals.
- It was their fault for taking advantage of me.
- They dumped on me because they didn’t respect me or my time.
Blaming others was my Olympic arena of excellence.
In fact, I can still use that strategy from time to time. 😔
But the thing I learned was blaming others didn’t lead to my feeling better.
Nope, I didn’t feel:
- More confident.
- Self -trusting.
No in fact the opposite occurred.
I felt more:
- Shame (that never ending voice of I’m not enough).
- Lack of self trust
I had to stop the blame game.
I reminded myself blame isn’t the way out. In fact it creates further darkness.
I had to own my well practiced behavior of blaming others and instead focus my energy on loving myself.
Then circle back to those I had blamed … and acknowledge what I did and how it wasn’t okay.
This practice allowed me to become … mostly free of blame.
But, I’m an imperfect human and from time to time I do go back to old habits.
But I am taking off another layer of shame with you today as I own my story and allow myself to share what I’ve learned with you.
If it’s possible for me to let go of my use for blame. It’s possible for you too my friend.
P.S. Struggling with your own “not so proud” moments? For help moving past them, apply for coaching with me.