Why isn’t your life better?
Let’s take a moment to listen to how you talk to yourself.
Do you say…
- “I achieved _____but that’s not as good as ________.”
- “I haven’t achieved enough, yet?”
- “I should be further along!”
Notice how this makes you feel?
Do you feel frustrated with yourself?
Do you feel unworthy?
Instead of facing these feelings, you’ve tried to outrun the feeling of unworthiness, which is shame.
Shame is the voice of you aren’t enough, you’re bad, you’re broken, it’s not possible for you.
You don’t want to feel this horrible feeling so you’ve tried to outrun shame instead of feeling, and moving through, it. Yes, it’s totally possible to move through it and get to the other side … a better side of life to live on.
But first you need to know the signs of your attempts to outrun shame.
- HIDING/NUMBING/DISCONNECTING. This looks like hiding away from others at home; eating or drinking to numb the feeling of shame; creating busyness in your life so you can’t connect with others. Another way to hide, numb and disconnect while in the presence of others is scrolling through your phone.
- APPROVAL WHORING. When you don’t believe you are good enough, you sell yourself out to people who you believe have power over you. You become who they want you to be to try to get what you want – approval of your worth. The problem with this is you aren’t being you.
- GLADIATING/INNER GLADIATOR. You take down those you care about. You are mean to them, you say hurtful things, and you lash out with your pain. You try to “take them down.” You also do this to yourself. You say mean things to yourself and judge yourself with the highest level of criticism.
Now that you see the signs of your attempts of outrunning shame, what’s the solution?
FEEL THE SHAME.
Yes I did tell you to feel it. It’s really the best thing to do and quite frankly doesn’t last long.
When you try to disconnect from it … it surrounds you. It perpetuates.
When you feel shame, you can then begin to move through it because you acknowledge the feeling and then can work to solve it by unpacking it to understand it. This allows you to move through the feeling of shame instead of resisting it.
Unpack the stories you tell yourself that dial up the feeling of shame.
Question the truth of the stories.
Love yourself through the entire process.
This process will allow you to move through the feelings of shame instead of trying to outrun them which will only make it last longer and stick around.
Know your signs that you are trying to outrun shame and start really leaving it behind.
P.S. Need help with unpacking your stories and creating new ones? I have just the thing for you.