I just got off the phone with a client. She was in so much pain. Her 18 year old daughter, a senior in high school, had told her, “You make me feel like I’m never enough!!!” This really works for her daughter, because my client then gets small in their relationship. My client doesn’t want […]
I was in the middle of a text conversation with someone I care about. There was some vulnerable sharing that was occuring in the texts. The problem I have with texting … I don’t have to be fully committed to the “conversation.” I can get distracted + stop texting. Thereby, ghosting the other person. This […]
Growing up…I believed there was something wrong with me. I was different. I was tall….ALWAYS, even in Kindergarten. I was biracial. My mom is Korean but I don’t look Asian. I was poor. Well not me … but my family didn’t have much financially. Most of my life I felt like the black sheep. I […]
I actually call it approval whoring. I have a very specific reason for this. People pleasing is misleading and sounds like a NICE thing to do for others. Whore vs. Please. Whore = not acceptable in society. Please = how we, especially as women, are culturally programmed to BE in our lives. Now let’s take […]
You have high standards. You want to excel. You believe the pathway to excellence is to beat yourself up. You believe that if you are critical of yourself … you’ll finally shape up and be better. How’s it working for you? Keep your high standards. It’s awesome that you want to excel … we are […]
You hear their voices. You worry about what other people think. You let others stop you from doing what you want. You don’t speak up, because you’re afraid of what others will think. It’s time to let go of other people’s opinions. While you may mistakenly believe this allows you to be safe, you’ve allowed […]
No people pleasers here. My preferred term is approval whore. You know, someone who says or does what they think others want instead of what they want. However, you may not recognize yourself as an approval whore. So, I’ll rephrase my term to people pleasers While you’ve been taught that it’s “nice” to people please, […]
You think to create your best life, you must leave your marriage. My clients think the same thing. While I’m not a marriage counselor, I’ve helped heal a lot of painful marriages. You see, we are story making creatures. Our brains love stories. Our brains are fantastic at writing a drama. And if your brain […]
You know that friend you’ve known for twenty years, the one you only see once every 1-3 years? You always think she’s going to tell you how fantastic her life is now, after all these years. But while time has passed by … she tells you the same sad story about her troubles. Now the […]
“Approval whoring” does not sound nice. Why not use “people pleasing” instead? People pleasing sounds nice. Women have been culturally programmed to be nice. Women have been culturally programmed to put other people’s needs before their own. Women have been culturally programmed that if we are nice and put people’s needs in front of our […]