No people pleasers here.
My preferred term is approval whore.
You know, someone who says or does what they think others want instead of what they want.
However, you may not recognize yourself as an approval whore.
So, I’ll rephrase my term to people pleasers
While you’ve been taught that it’s “nice” to people please, my friend you’ve been lied to.
Here’s how it goes when I talk with people about people pleasing.
It first starts with their own self pressure to people please.
They believe they are doing a “good thing” by PEOPLE PLEASING.
Then I turn it around and ask:
Do you like it when others “people please” you?
How do you feel when others are focused on PEOPLE PLEASING you instead of being who they actually are (hint: that would be authentic)?
The conversation then changes to: “I hate it when others “PEOPLE PLEASE” me.
- “It feels slimy.”
- “It feels inauthentic.”
They start to realize that while they have imposed this rule on themselves, it’s good to “PEOPLE PLEASE” … they hate being “PEOPLE PLEASED.”
I have a new rule for me.
In my personal life NO PEOPLE PLEASERS ALLOWED.
I want you to fully show up as you.
I want to know the real you, not the one you think you’re supposed to be.
I want to be uncomfortable together and totally be okay with our differences. Because I love you ❤️.
I want to do hard things together and we can only do that if we both show up as ourselves.
I want to know what you love + dislike so I can know more about you and have a better understanding of you.
If you were PEOPLE PLEASING, you would show up as what you think I want from you.
I want you as your brilliant and messy self.
All of you.
We will have so much more fun together.
Yes, it will be uncomfortable.
But all good things go through discomfort to reach the beauty.
Let’s do this.
You show up as you.
I’ll show up as me.
Together we will be.
P.S. Need help not being a people pleaser? Check out this podcast episode.