You think to create your best life, you must leave your marriage.
My clients think the same thing.
While I’m not a marriage counselor, I’ve helped heal a lot of painful marriages.
You see, we are story making creatures.
Our brains love stories.
Our brains are fantastic at writing a drama.
And if your brain is like mine, it’s a great scriptwriter.
I used to write a script for my husband.
In fact I was the writer, producer and director.
He was the actor.
Here’s the thing, he never knew about the script as I never shared it with him.
But I did judge him based on his ability to follow my script.
Yes, the script that I didn’t share with him.
What happens with just your script?
Then I would become irritated and angry with him for letting me down.
I would make his behavior mean that he didn’t love me and I wasn’t important.
This is what happens when you don’t use your voice.
This is what happens when you don’t love yourself.
This is what happens when you live in the swampland of shame.
You look for evidence that you aren’t worthy of love + belonging.
And I created it by writing the script that I never shared with my husband.
My solution … get a divorce.
That sounded reasonable.
I was a “flee-er” after all.
Oh, and I hated on him.
Because that feels so wonderful (sarcastic tone) and helped me to be righteous!
This righteousness only leads to false power, not empowerment.
This is NOT the time to make a decision, when you are rooted in false righteousness + shame.
Instead, it’s time to check in, really check in, with yourself.
While I believed my husband failed me and didn’t love me.
I couldn’t receive his love because I was filled with so much self-loathing + shame.
I learned to love myself, let go of the scripts, use my voice and finally receive his love.
This isn’t just my story, but my clients’ also.
More times than not, the love my clients were searching for was in their marriage.
Stop writing the script of the doomed failure.
Instead love yourself.
Use your voice to ask for what you want and share your views.
Let him get to know your authentic you.
And receive his love, it is there!
P.S. Learn how to really check in with yourself, feel your feelings, and identify your stories with my Mindset Journal. Get your copy here.