howshereallydoesit.com

Choose

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One of my strengths is my ability to be courageous. I work on being courageous in my life, by writing you these emails, by owning my voice, by sharing what I believe with you, my friends and my family. Often times my own family can be the hardest place to show up and own my voice, […]

How to take action

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful you listen to my podcast. Here’s the thing: are you a consumer of knowledge (PASSIVE ACTION) or someone who applies that knowledge (ACTIVE ACTION)? Passive action is listening to podcasts, reading, thinking, figuring out, planning, reading some more, listening some more, figuring out some more, with more planning … and […]

Judge Not

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You’re in constant turmoil over what other people think about you, your choices + actions. You try to hide away so you aren’t seen + criticized. You don’t own your voice and speak your truth. You act the way you are supposed to act to gain other people’s approval. The problem … by worrying about what other […]

You know what to do, you’re just not doing it …

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“What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I not doing what I should be doing?” Two reasons there’s a gap between what you know and what you do: The questions above lead to self-hatred … which is rooted in the feeling of SHAME. When rooted in SHAME, you either hide away or beat the crap out of yourself. This […]

Being comfortable with being uncomfortable

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The path to growth is being comfortable with the uncomfortable. I can not change what I do not acknowledge. I am unpacking my own internal racial biases. I am listening. Desiree Adaway Ibram X. Kendi Rachel Cargie Austin Channing Brown Erika Hines I am continuing to learn. White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White […]

Am I what other people say about me?

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Your biggest fear is what other people say about you. So you hustle for others to approve of you. You tell other people what you believe they want to hear. You do what other people want you to do. In fact you spend so much time and energy trying to control what other people say […]

How to move through anxiety

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There’s a lot of uncertainty in our world right now. With the uncertainty is a lot of information, worry, + panic. Our brains are quickly processing all the information and we have thousands upon thousands of thoughts running through our brain. Many of us are experiencing anxiety. According to Dr. Harriet Lerner, we deal with […]

How to validate what you’re feeling

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Last week, one of my clients told me, “my feelings aren’t valid unless someone else takes them seriously.” Is that ABSOLUTELY true? Before we go any further. The answer is YES or NO. I know that will trigger a lot of …”but Koren …” Let’s try this again. Is it ABSOLUTELY true that your feelings […]

Letting go of the “right” way

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The right way is a show stopper, especially during this time of COVID-19. My clients are often trying to figure out the right way to: Parent Be a friend Find their next life partner Figure out the next chapter in their career Make decisions during this time of COVID-19 This right way only stalls them […]

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