Last week, one of my clients told me, “my feelings aren’t valid unless someone else takes them seriously.”
Is that ABSOLUTELY true?
Before we go any further. The answer is YES or NO.
I know that will trigger a lot of …”but Koren …”
Let’s try this again.
Is it ABSOLUTELY true that your feelings aren’t valid unless someone else takes them seriously?
(hint: the answer is NO)
Now I’ll share my story.
In the past, I had so much anxiety about pool contracts. This resulted in sleepless nights where I would dress rehearse tragedy as a swim team without a pool to train in. (The irony today during COVID-19 is we don’t have a pool, but we do have a swim team in operation – it’s a virtual swim team).
Often my clients would laugh with me about my anxiety.
They thought it was hilarious and loved that I too had anxiety over a particular arena.
They were relieved to know I’m not kryptonite proof as a life coach.
However, it’s difficult for others (usually my friends) to understand the vulnerability I felt around pool contracts.
“Koren, it’s only a pool contract.”
“Koren, you aren’t someone who has problems.”
“Koren, you always get what you want so why be a drama queen about this issue?”
Of course my friends were trying to be supportive and remind me there wasn’t any need for me to dress-rehearse tragedy. In fact, they were trying to take away my pain.
But I interpreted their words to mean I was wrong to feel this way.
Just as I now ask my clients, is it ABSOLUTELY true, I asked myself, “Koren, is it absolutely true that your anxiety is not valid because your friends tell you differently?
THE ANSWER: NO.
It’s not true that my anxiety wasn’t real. It was my feeling, not theirs.
My feelings are my experience.
My anxiety is real.
I give myself permission to feel this way.
Others may judge me for being a “drama queen.”
Others may empathize with me, but I know this doesn’t validate my experience any further.
My experience is real because it is what I am feeling. PERIOD!
Years ago, I stopped taking a poll to validate my feelings.
Now it’s your turn.
Stop taking a poll.
Your feelings are yours to validate, not someone else’s.
Give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling.
Stay tuned … in an upcoming email, I’ll send you the steps on how to move through your feelings.
P.S. Want a little help getting to know your feelings? Apply for ENOUGH, my group coaching program. You really can do this … I’ve got you, you won’t be alone or judged as a “drama queen.”