This is how I used to do it: When I was in pain, I would pitch a tent, build a campfire and invite people (actually anyone willing to hear all the gory details at length) to sit with me. I was a great story fondler, going over + over the details of how I was […]
As a child, I was a shy, quiet girl. I never wanted to demand or impose. I was afraid of rejection so I wouldn’t initiate sleepovers or invite new friends over. I neglected my own inner voice. I taught myself I didn’t matter. In college, I got brave. I started asking people to do things. […]
I’m not enough. I’m a fraud. I don’t know everything. I am too much. I am bad. Sound familiar? They are like those damn junior high friends who always had something not so nice to say in the back of your head. My work with my clients is about becoming shame resilient. This does not […]
I used to believe change wasn’t possible for someone like me. Why? Because I had evidence it wasn’t possible. I thought I was working really hard, but I actually wasn’t working at all. I bought books, they sat on my nightstand. I wanted to stop overeating, except for my nightly three bowls of ice cream. […]
In my own life, since I didn’t believe in myself, I leaned HARD on those who did believe in me. Over time, I exhausted them. I could not accept their belief in me, and would discount and ignore them, and yet keep going back for more validation. I just wanted to be able to see […]
Choose your words carefully. Your language will have an effect on your energy and can determine the results in your life. I am not talking about your word(s) for the year. I am talking about the words you use in your day to day language. The other day, my client told me she was tired […]
You want to connect. So do I. In fact, you and I are hardwired for connection. But we don’t want to be vulnerable or expose ourselves to emotional risk. And vulnerability is the only pathway to connection. It’s the oldest Catch 22. And also the most painful. The key is courageous conversations. Saying the one […]
A listener once sent me an email asking me to stop using the word whore as it was derogatory. The old me was an approval whore. The old me would have immediately agreed with her without even considering what I thought. But the new me is a recovering approval whore, so I play by […]
How to protect yourself when someone is trying to hurt you. When someone is in their own shame storm they are prone to try to hurt you or hook you. When this happens first off notice how you are feeling. Do you feel shame? Do you want to react by fleeing, fighting or freezing? That would […]
Happy 7th Anniversary to us!!! How She Really Does It has been on the airwaves + traveling the internet since October 2006. Wow! What started out as a small inner quest has grown into a life changing event. Thank you for being a part of this incredible journey. Starting out 7 years ago, I never imagined […]