I’m not enough.
I’m a fraud.
I don’t know everything.
I am too much.
I am bad.
Sound familiar? They are like those damn junior high friends who always had something not so nice to say in the back of your head.
My work with my clients is about becoming shame resilient. This does not mean shame resistant, which means you’d have no shame entirely. No, shame resilience is the ability to feel shame, move through it and come out the other side. Hell, it may even knock you down. And when you are shame resilient you will be able to get back up and move forward. It’s okay if you are slow to move through your shame. The key is moving through – not being stuck in – shame.
One of my clients that I love so much, is constantly indulging in her shame gremlins. They tell her, “she is a fraud because she does not know everything therefore she can not provide value in her work.”
First off, seriously can we know everything? That is an impossible task and I don’t believe we were meant to know everything. Think about the people you admire. Do they know everything?
Years ago, I interviewed Alice Schroeder, who wrote Warren Buffett’s biography. Buffett is a financial genius but he understands what he doesn’t know – the tech industry. What if Buffett had listened to his shame gremlins? If he’d decided he was a fraud for not knowing about tech? If he’d stopped investing entirely or stopped trusting his instincts? Instead, Buffett chose to invest in companies he did understand like Coca-Cola, See’s Candy and insurance companies to name a few. He did not believe he was a fraud. He made the best decision he could and committed fully to it.
The next time you hear those voices in your head. Check in with them instead of accepting them as fact. Is it true that you are supposed to know everything? Is it true you are a fraud? It is true that you are bad? Is it true that you are not enough? Is it true you are too much?
Indulging in your shame is a surefire way to take you down. We want to rise back up and move through the shame.
P.S. If you’re interested in the radically beautiful life change that comes from moving through shame instead of it hijacking your life, I’d like you to take a look at ENOUGH, my upcoming group coaching program. You really can do this …APPLY NOW