During the summer I have a lot of new parents in the AquaMonsters (youth swim team I’m the director of) and their biggest concern is entrusting their child to my program. They are worried their child will drown in our program. Yes this is their fear talking. Yes it’s irrational. And yes it creates a […]
Many of my clients only want to go up to bat in their life if they are guaranteed a home run. Sound familiar? Instead of thinking you should hit a home run every time you step up to bat in your life. Remind yourself that a great baseball player hits 30% of the time. Of […]
One thing about being an approval whore … you are seeking out someone else to do your job. You want others to believe in you. Because you believe … if they approve of you … they can see how capable you are and then believe in you. Then you don’t have to believe in you. […]
My friend, you’ve been lied to … “Want a better life?” “Beat the crap out of yourself and you’ll get there.” That might ignite some better behavior from you. But then two things happen: Once your adrenaline runs out, this new behavior doesn’t last. Because you learn “it doesn’t really work,” next time you don’t […]
It’s so fascinating. You know a lot of people. You have a lot of friends on FB. Yet … you still feel alone. You want a place to belong. You hunger for friendship. You tell yourself stories that these women you admire, they already have a lot of friends. You tell yourself, you won’t be […]
Growing up, I was … odd. I was always the tallest girl in my class. I was usually taller than most of the boys. I have dark hair. I have almond eyes. I have broad shoulders (thank you swimming). My mother looked different than the other girls mom’s — my mom was Korean. The cultural […]
You set a goal. You’re excited, at least for a few minutes. Then you get scared out of your mind … What if it doesn’t happen? What if you aren’t good enough to achieve it? Besides, you aren’t someone who ever really gets what she wants. And that’s why you don’t believe you can achieve […]
I actually call it approval whoring. I have a very specific reason for this. People pleasing is misleading and sounds like a NICE thing to do for others. Whore vs. Please. Whore = not acceptable in society. Please = how we, especially as women, are culturally programmed to BE in our lives. Now let’s take […]
Sometimes, you yell at your kids. Sometimes, you lose your cool. Sometimes, you screw up as a parent. My friend, let me assure you, you aren’t the only one. We know what we’re NOT supposed to do …yell at others, lose our cool, and definitely not screw up. But we are all human. Stop beating […]
My clients work hard. They consider themselves high-achievers. In fact, they take that high achieving and over do it when they don’t believe they are worthy. Worthy of what you ask? Worthy of love. Worthy of belonging. Worthy of simply being enough. This is when my clients dial up this awful feeling of shame and […]