It’s a lie to believe you can somehow set up a life free of shit storms. The storm is coming … are you prepared? Shit storms are where growth occurs and transformation can happen. Your brain tells you to play it safe … “No shit storms allowed.” However, without them you’d stagnate, and you don’t […]
Parenting is one of the bravest things we do. It’s hard. We are vulnerable and no matter how hard we try to protect ourselves, we are guaranteed to face uncertainty, emotional exposure and risk. While I was “sure” at 20 that I would never expose myself to the vulnerability of raising kids, life had other […]
I want someone to feel sorry for me. So someone will rescue me. I want the white knight to come and fix my problem. So I don’t have to be vulnerable (uncertainty, emotional exposure + risk). I want the imaginary white knight because then I can bet on “him” instead of me. So I don’t […]
Let’s say you have a friend who’s fierce. She is strong and capable. Do you ever reach out to her to see how she’s really doing? Might be a tough thing to do. Since she’s strong and capable, she may not be used to letting you in. But here’s the thing, we all need to […]
I just got off the phone with a client. She was in so much pain. Her 18 year old daughter, a senior in high school, had told her, “You make me feel like I’m never enough!!!” This really works for her daughter, because my client then gets small in their relationship. My client doesn’t want […]
What do you want? One of the biggest problems that my new clients struggle with is that they have no idea what they want. Or they make the answer to that question above too vague. I want to make as much money as possible. I want to be living the dream. I want to […]
I feel guilty. Why? Because I am a bad daughter. Why? Because I don’t play by my dad’s rules for our relationship. Is that your belief? That you must play by your dad’s rules to be a good daughter? It’s what I learned from my dad. Now that you are an adult woman, do you […]
Do you remember the 1997 movie As Good as It Gets? Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt playing people who were settling for a good-enough life. I hated that movie. Because it was my life and I didn’t want to accept it. Even back then, I knew I was climbing the wrong career ladder. I was […]
There’s an internal rumbling. It’s uncomfortable. It’s painful. All you want to do is get rid of it. You do that by complaining. You find short-term relief by letting it out. By complaining, you’re offloading your pain onto someone else. It feels good … kind of like throwing up after a big ole’ tummy ache. […]
If I say no, people will think I am mean. Only mean people say no. If you believe no = meanness, then you will have a hard time saying no. Your guilt will override your logic and your desires. In order to be able to say no to things you don’t want to do and […]