One of my clients had a belief … that her partner must be 100% honest (100% of the time) to be in a loving + connected relationship.
As you can imagine, this belief led to difficult and short relationships … until she realized that she herself couldn’t live up to her own demands.
Another client believed she either had to work towards building her own business, OR work full-time for a company that was an incredible opportunity.
This belief paralyzed her. While she was searching for the “perfect” answer, she was being completely blind to this new world of work, that she could work for a company four days a week and then for herself on the fifth.
They both suffered from all or nothing thinking.
This kind of thinking puts you in a corner where you can only be right or wrong. And none of us ever want to be wrong. It limits curiosity and places what is actually possible for you inside the prison walls.
The truth is that there are many ways to do something. I call this the “space in between.”
All or nothing is often correlated to black and white thinking. I invite you to live in the grey.
In one sense, all or nothing is an easier way to live, it becomes easier to distinguish what’s ok and what’s not. But it also comes with the painful cost of living inside those prison walls.
Remember “Marco Polo,” the game you played as a kid in the pool? It was about getting warmer (or colder) as you swam toward or away from the ball.
Use your memory of that simple game to practice living in the grey areas of your life. Are you getting warmer or colder?
Is your partner able to have courageous conversations with you (warmer)? Do you enjoy working for the company 4 days a week and one day a week for yourself (warmer)?
Continue heading in the “warmer” grey area. You’ll enjoy this so much more than an “all or nothing” mindset that’s keeping you locked up.
smiling,
