The quality of the questions you ask affects the quality of your life.
Your question is a window to the answer you seek.
Your question helps your brain focus on where to look for an answer.
I often get asked:
“Am I normal?”
“Is this normal?”
When either of these questions are asked … the brain is filled with self-doubt.
When the brain is filled with self-doubt it is now focused on finding evidence to support a “NO” answer.
Instead of asking yourself if you are normal or if a situation is normal, consider what is the information you’re looking for?
If you’re looking for others going through what you are going through … ask about that .
For instance … if your child does not want to go to soccer practice … look around the practice field for other exasperated parents. They will tell you a story about their own struggles.
If you’re looking for the struggles in a marriage … share your own with a friend who’s earned the right to hear your story … and if they feel safe, they may share their own struggles with you.
Is that too vulnerable? That’s okay I have just the thing for you:
Listen to my interview with Harville Hendrix. Oprah has called him the “Marriage Whisperer.”
However even Dr. Hendrix had marriage struggles.
Now you may be asking me … but Koren, isn’t this just living in the swampland of shame, looking for other people’s stories of struggle?
Actually, this is a form of common humanity. The understanding that you are not alone.
When we believe we are not normal … the real issue is “is there something wrong with me?”
That is a very isolating question.
Instead, when you really know you are not the only one with this struggle … you get a sense of relief.
From this place of relief you can then work on moving through this difficulty instead of beating yourself up.
Next time you ask yourself the question “am I normal?”
And you notice doubt filling your emotions.
Remind yourself to ask yourself a better question.
“Who else is going through this struggle?” is a much better way to dial up some common humanity.
Common humanity is an attribute of self-compassion.
Compassion is the biggest motivator for change.
Compassion is the antidote to shame.
Compassion will lead you to you becoming your own best friend.
P.S. It’s time to become your own best friend … Apply for Private Coaching, it’s the place for you to work on asking yourself better questions.