You know that moment when you feel defeat as you compare yourself to others and come to the conclusion you don’t measure up.
SCENARIO #1
You are upset with yourself because you aren’t successful enough. This is the start of your downward spiral. You start to tell yourself, “there’s something wrong with me.” You look at those you believe are “successful” and compare yourself to them. You judge yourself for what you believe they have that you don’t.
Yet have you defined what success is for YOU?
My hunch is NO.
You haven’t defined what success means for you.
And then you become your worst enemy as you beat yourself up and use your “lack of success” as the evidence that you don’t measure up and success isn’t possible for you.
HEAR THIS → you can’t measure what you haven’t defined.
SCENARIO #2
You’re upset with yourself because you don’t have enough money. You’re worried about eventually ending up living “down by the river in a van.”
You hate thinking about money because you then get worried about not having enough at some point in the future.
You start to hate money.
You tell yourself stories that money is evil.
You tell yourself “you aren’t deserving of having money.”
BUT….Have you figured out what enough money actually is?
An actual dollar amount that you need to maintain your lifestyle.
HEAR THIS → you can’t measure what you haven’t defined.
SCENARIO #3
You are upset with yourself because you don’t have enough friends. You feel lonely. You look at your Instagram scroll and people are having so much fun … yet you are alone again on another Friday night.
You figure you’re alone because there’s something wrong with you.
Then you think about how you are so much better than your friend Kristie who is soooo self-absorbed that all the air is used to fuel her speaking as she talks non-stop without space for you or anyone else to speak. You of course are so much better than her, yet she is the one out on a Friday night.
So you fill yourself up with self-hatred. You don’t have enough friends because there’s something wrong with you.
Yet are you clear on the number of friends you have capacity for?
Do you know what kind of relationships you are looking for? Deep + connected, fun, + surface level, lots of people, + short conversations, 1:1/small groups, + meaningful conversations.
HEAR THIS → you can’t measure what you haven’t defined.
Please stop.
Stop the self-beatings.
Stop the self-hatred.
Stop the comparisons.
Instead get clear on what you want and then pursue creating it.
Only then can you “measure” how you are doing and if you have achieved your desired results because you have now defined them.
Before you evaluate your ability to “measure up” get clear on what you are measuring. Then look at what is working and what needs improvement.
You don’t need to beat yourself up. Obtaining your goals is not about your worthiness. It’s about you being brave enough to define what it is you want and then pursuing it!
smiling,
P.S. I talk a lot about COURAGE and self-sabotage on my podcast all the time. If you’re ready to hear some stories about a better way to live this one precious life subscribe and listen!