Today’s topic – how to stop approval whoring – is one that has been controversial to my listeners before. Many people use the term “people pleasing” for the kind of behavior I’m talking about on today’s episode, but I’ve got some good reasons for not using that terminology.
I think the phrase “people pleasing” sounds a bit too nice, and being a recovering approval whore myself, I knew I needed to call this behavior something that would wake me up to the reality of its toxic effects.
Being a people pleaser or an approval whore means we are selling ourselves out in order to gain someone else’s approval. We act in a way that’s not in alignment with who we are or who we want to be.
We often use approval whoring as a way to disconnect from shame. Instead of sitting with the feelings of rejection or shame that come from not being liked/accepted/included, we cover up who we really are with words and actions that are designed to solicit approval from someone else.
You want to play by your own rules + step into who you really are – not constantly seek out approval from others.
Listen to this week’s episode as I talk about the eight steps you can take to stop approval whoring (or approval whore recovery, as I like to call it). The keys to this process include accepting the fact that you’re selling yourself out to gain approval, not judging yourself for this behavior, and slowing down the process of seeking acceptance when you feel shame.
Do you want to take what you’ve learned from this episode to the next level? Check out my ENOUGH coaching program. Together, we combine the concepts and lessons from this show with coaching to go way beyond intellectual learning. You’ll learn to silence critical internal voices that tell you you’re not enough, integrate self-love into your everyday life, and build resilience against shame and other difficult experiences. You’ll be notified when the next ENOUGH group opens – join me and create your most badass self!
LISTEN HERE
WHAT YOU WILL DISCOVER
- Why I decided to use the term “approval whoring” instead of “people pleasing,” even after a listener told me that it was offensive
- How we use approval-seeking behavior to disconnect from the shame we feel
- Why you have to stop judging yourself for approval whoring if you want to stop doing it
- How taking the time to sit in your feelings + your shame can actually help you move through them
- Why you have to own your story completely + love yourself instead of trying to convince other people to love you
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- The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by Desmond Tutu, The Dalai Lama, and Douglas Abrams
- Bruce Springsteen – 2012 Keynote Speech at SXSW
- Two types of focus [DEEP DIVE]
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