Achieve BIG GOALS with Small Steps

Music (00:00:00) – She’s dreaming, she’s drifting. Never been so wide awake. Captured in the moment by the beauty all around her. There’s nowhere else than she would rather be.

Koren (00:00:19) – Hello and welcome. This is Koren Motekaitis. And you’re listening to How She Really Does It, the place where inspiration and possibility meet. All right. Have you filled out the dinner party connections form to let us know where you want us to come and host a dinner party this next year? You, me, and seven other amazing humans where we get to connect, have enriching conversations, have coaching, have delicious food, where all you have to do is sign up and show up and we will do the heavy lifting for you. If you haven’t, hit pause and go fill out the form to give us an idea of where we go this year. Today I’m going to be talking about how we get in our way with these big, hairy, audacious goals. We’re all trying to figure out how people achieve a certain level of success.

Koren (00:01:29) – And it’s so interesting the conversations I have with people because we have so much notoriety on the big things, right? This next year is going to be the Olympics. And so in the world of swimming, there’s already talk about 2024 for the Olympic team, right? There’s all this talk about that and what’s going to happen in this next year to come. Maybe it’s about if you’re going to write a book, are you going to become a bestselling author or you’re going to build this business and you’re going to be a seven figure entrepreneur, right? It’s always these big things, or you’re going to go and climb this corporate ladder and be a CEO, right? Like all these big things that are identifiable from the sidelines. And but we’re not quite sure how to get there with the pathways and maybe it’s like, I’m going to go change the world. I’m going to do big things, or my kid can do big things and change the world and not understand like, why are they struggling? So here’s the thing about big, hairy, audacious goals.

Koren (00:02:29) – And I mean, I’ve had some in my life. And I’ve had them before. I had the confidence to think it was possible. But when I or my clients have had those big, hairy, audacious goals, they can also take you down. Because if you don’t believe in yourself and you don’t believe in the possibility for you, it can be a real big part of like, your own internal shame. It can be you can weaponize and beat yourself up. So, you know, these big, hairy, audacious goals can be, I’m going to change the world or I’m going to make, you know, xxxx dollars. I’m going to make the Olympics right. That’s great to have that as a vision. And the question is, what’s the next step? Instead of thinking the big thing out here and how you want it to look in five years, ten years, what’s the next step to maybe get me in that direction? And I say maybe get me in that direction, because sometimes we start to go up those stairwells and realize, Oh, this isn’t the path that we want.

Koren (00:03:36) – Or we may realize like, oh, maybe this isn’t the goal that we want. So that’s really important is what’s the next step? What’s the small step? And I’ve had so many conversations around this, you know, what is this? And I’ll never forget Martha Beck told me years ago, when she would be at a dinner party and people would come up to her and Martha had been on Oprah’s show, the Oprah Winfrey Show, many times. And they would come up to her and they’d say, Can you give Oprah my book? She said to me, she said, what? Actually, that was the wrong question to ask. The question to ask is, what’s the process to get the book in front of Oprah? So when you’re thinking about like, oh, you know, my kid wants to be an Olympian, it’s like instead of thinking like, what are the chances? It’s, what’s the next step? Or my kid wants a swim in college. What’s the next step? Sometimes the next step is why do they want to swim in college? Right.

Koren (00:04:34) – But what’s the next step? Like maybe going to practice every day and being consistent about that is a really important skill set to build so that they could be prepared to go to college. Right. Paying attention. What are the small steps to get the result that may be right now your desire or what your kid or your team is desiring? And when I say your team, I’m talking about work, right? Maybe your team has the goal of creating this amount of revenue. Okay. What’s the next step that’s going to be able to help create that? What are the systems we need to put in place? What are the structures? Maybe what’s the employee we need to have that can help us have the support to create that? So big, hairy, audacious goals can be great. They can also trigger tremendous shame and as well as imposter syndrome fatigue. Right? Because we just start beating ourselves up and don’t know what it’s about. And it’s a death by a thousand paper cuts. Instead of thinking like, okay, what’s the outcome at the end of this really long journey? And a long journey can be three months.

Koren (00:05:40) – A long journey can be a year, a long journey. It can be ten years. It all depends on the context of what we’re talking about. But what’s the next step? Right? And that’s something that we talk about these big goals, but we don’t go into what are the small steps that we can make that can get us to where we need to go, and we minimize that and dismiss it. And that is foundational to achieving your dreams, to creating the life that you want to creating the professional life that you want to be able to accomplish, your career goals, your family goals. What’s the next step? Do not dismiss that. Do not discount it. It is really, really valuable. And then the other one is what is the reason for this goal? Why? Right? Why do you want this goal? Why is it important to you? And there’s nothing wrong with having a dream like there’s so many times when the Olympics happens, you know, like a six year old to come on the deck and be like, I want to be the next Michael Phelps.

Koren (00:06:40) – And I’m like, That is an awesome dream. And the parents, like, quivering on the sidelines going, Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that’s so audacious. He’s six. It’s fine. Now, at some point, if that continues to be the dream, right at a much later age. But there’s a process that needs to happen, just like Martha had said, what’s the process of getting the book in front of Oprah? What’s the process? There’s not one process. There’s many. There’s not a right way or a wrong way. But what’s the process and am I willing to choose to do that? The other thing that’s really important to achieving these goals that we have and achieving these visions is not being attached to them. Right? And that’s the hard thing to do because that attachment, like we get so much of our ego and our worthiness tied to that, and that’s what I’m always working with my clients on. It’s like having that vision and it’s not changing who you are or your value as a human, whether you accomplish that or not.

Koren (00:07:43) – But society tells us that it will. But then the truth is, it’s like the Wizard of Oz behind the green curtain. You realize like, oh, wherever I go, there I am, you know, I’m still the same person. Maybe I have these achievements, but I’m still the same person underneath, right? Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing if you just may not have needed that achievement because that does not necessarily how it works. So as you go through this process of learning, watching people’s stories evolve, you know, it’s easy to see the end result. And instead of trying to do the end result, we have to remember to start taking those small steps in front. Those small steps. Do not minimize them, do not discount them. They’re are learnings in there that are really, really valuable. And so if we can go in from a place of being a compassionate observer so we can see so much more and we go in with our eyes wide open, we can have learnings. Those small steps are really, really important.

Koren (00:08:47) – Here’s an example. One of the things that I know how to do is teach kids how to get out of the pool without using a ladder. We have this rule that athletes don’t use ladders. Part of it’s a water safety thing. If you fall into a pool and can’t climb out, you’re not truly water safe. And part of it’s just like learning how to, like, be strong enough to get yourself out of the water. And one of the things that I know how to do is break it down into small steps and it’s elbow, elbow, knee, knee. And so kids are struggling and these are young kids, those are struggling. And I’d say I can break it down into small steps, elbow, elbow, knee, knee. And they get out and it looks like magic, like they got out and I did something spectacular. What I know how to do is break things down into small steps so it’s not so overwhelming and look at your life and where are the things that you excel at? You may know and it may be so ingrained in your bones that you don’t even realize you’re doing those small steps.

Koren (00:09:41) – But at some point you learn those small steps that allowed you to achieve those big goals, those big dreams that now are in your bones. It’s so hardwired in you that you don’t even recognize it. But now you think, Oh, I need to learn big things. My invitation to you is to go back to what’s the next small step. All right, my friend, I’m smiling big for you. Bye bye. Hey there. Before we go, I have a question for you. Have you subscribed to the show yet? This is an awesome opportunity for you to preserve your brain juice. I love the fact that I can subscribe to podcasts and television shows and they go straight to my iPhone or they go straight to my DVR and then I don’t have to worry, oh no, especially with television shows, did I hit record? Is it going to be there or now do I have to watch it on demand and go through all the commercials? So go and hit the subscribe button.

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Music (00:11:04) – She is dreaming.

Music (00:11:06) – She is drifting. Never been so wide awake. Captured in the moment by the beauty all around her. There’s nowhere else that she would rather be.