I actually call it approval whoring.
I have a very specific reason for this.
People pleasing is misleading and sounds like a NICE thing to do for others.
Whore vs. Please.
Whore = not acceptable in society.
Please = how we, especially as women, are culturally programmed to BE in our lives.
Now let’s take a look at people pleasing.
My client Ray is often filled with resentment.
She has been taught to believe to be accepted she must please others over herself.
Isn’t that the way to show she’s not selfish + self-centered?
There are problems with this hypothesis:
- She is filled with resentment for putting other people’s needs + wants ahead of hers.
- She is pleasing others, while selling herself out to fit in. And this feels hollow. What she really wants is to belong so she can feel connected.
- She is telling herself, what she wants is NOT important.
- She hates it when other people people please her. It feels slimy + uncomfortable.
The truth about people pleasing …. it isn’t NICE.
It seems NICE, but it’s inauthentic.
Notice how you feel when you are in the company of someone else who is being inauthentic.
Next time you think you should people please, remember how you feel when others do it to you.
It’s not worth it.
It’s not nice.
And you don’t want to end up feeling resentful.
smiling,
P.S. Learn more about this topic here: How to stop approval whoring [Deep Dive]