You don’t want to feel it.
You’ve tried to outrun it.
You’ve tried to numb it.
My friend, the thing you don’t want to feel is a painful feeling of anxiety (or replace anxiety with your painful feeling – FEAR, SHAME, SADNESS, etc) …
Yes, it’s uncomfortable.
But there is a way out that is way better than not feeling, running from it or numbing it.
The way out of this anxiety is to feel your feelings.
I realize that’s not what you wanted to learn.
You want the feeling to go away.
My friend, the pathway to reduce anxiety (or any painful feeling) is to:
- Give yourself permission to feel your feelings.
- Acknowledge what you are feeling right now (trust me, it won’t be here forever).
- Then own the story that’s dialing up the feeling.
- Reflect on the story by asking if it’s absolutely true?
- When the answer is NO, realize that you’ve been lying to yourself.
- Stop telling yourself lies about whatever tragedy your brain is fantastic at telling you.
- Start telling yourself the truth.
What these 7 steps look like in real life:
The cause of my anxiety is the stories my brain immediately creates about all the worst case scenarios.
STORY #1 My fear of pool contracts.
I view any failure of the pool contract as a direct reflection of my own personal worthiness.
Is it absolutely true any failure of the pool contract is a direct reflection of my own personal worthiness?
NO.
The truth is, there can be difficulties with the pool contract and it’s not correlated to my own personal worthiness.
The next truth is, I am capable of figuring out how to overcome any obstacles with pool contracts.
The final truth is, overcoming obstacles is part of leadership’s role in organizations.
When I remember these three truths, my anxiety lessens and my confidence rises.
STORY #2 The team goes down.
I have a big story filled with fear that this team will go down on my watch.
Oh, I’m so damn good at dress rehearsing tragedy.
Is it absolutely true this team will go down on my watch?
NO
The truth is there are obstacles to running a swim team.
The truth is all teams have obstacles, pool contracts tend to be our obstacle.
The truth is, I am part of an entire organization, it’s not only me.
With these truths I am able to move through the anxiety of doomsday and feel empowered to use my resourceful brain.
Now it’s your turn.
Give yourself permission to feel the painful feeling.
Name it.
Next, move through it by uncovering the stories that create this feeling.
Then tell yourself the truth.
Feel a better feeling.
smiling,
P.S. Click here for a step-by-step guide on how to implement the concepts in this post.