My client was going out with her husband to celebrate their anniversary.
She picked a hat to wear with her outfit.
She was so excited about this hat because she loved the way it looked on her.
She got worried.
- What if her husband didn’t like it?
- What if he thought she was being too much, wearing a hat out?
- What if he thought she was being foolish?
She still chose to wear the hat. She really loved it, but now was nervous about his opinion.
When he saw her in the hat … he had a questioning look but didn’t say anything.
“Uh oh” she thought.
She decided to ask him for his opinion. Direct conversations after all are better than speculation.
He replied with “well, I’m not sure why you are wearing that for our evening out.”
Crestfallen she replied “because I love it and think it looks good on me.”
That took a lot of courage for her to own that she loved it and thought it looked good on her, but now she was frustrated with him as they left for their anniversary dinner.
FYI: This isn’t an IDEAL way to start a dinner to celebrate years of marriage.
My client did 3 things:
- She wore the hat.
- She asked what he thought.
- She shared her reason for wearing it + what she believed about how she looked.
That took courage.
However, the frustration built and now they were at dinner.
Things started to go wrong with the service and the food.
Now her husband was frustrated and disappointed as he wanted to have a special night for them and the food was not so special.
Taking in 3 deep breaths, my client grounded herself. She:
- Let go of her frustration about his lack of enthusiasm for her hat.
- Decided the food was okay, not amazing, but good enough.
- Started talking about their marriage and why she loved him so much.
- Told him how grateful she was to be with him tonight, even with all the mishaps of the evening.
- Decided that her opinion about her hat mattered more than his opinion.
Upon returning home her husband told her “You’re adorable in that hat.”
She realized the lesson from the evening was that her own opinion mattered more to her.
Sure, in the end her husband adored her with her hat, but before that she had already decided to value her own opinion without the need for approval from someone else.
Even if that someone else is the love of your life.
Take a look at your life and remember when you are looking for validation your own opinion matters more.
P.S. I have one private coaching spot open. Click here to apply.