I’m blown away at the life I’ve created for myself.
If you don’t know my story, I was a girl who once believed “she was a loser born on loser street.”
I grew up poor in an alcoholic home.
My parents really loved us … however there was just a lot, a whole lot, of shame + pain.
Shame is highly contagious so we were all in constant shame storms.
My survival mechanism was to run.
I was a “flee-er.”
No I didn’t run away from home.
I hid inside of myself, disconnecting from my own self and beliefs.
I hid from my own emotions with food. It’s one hell of a numbing device.
When I made mistakes with friends, I’d be in tremendous shame, as I truly believed it was because of me and that I was the “bad” one.
I was in deep shame.
So I’d quit that friendship.
End things without a discussion.
As an adult, the running stopped working.
I was tired of running, heck I don’t even like to run athletically and I craved continuity + stability.
I tried to run away from my husband. Thank goodness he wouldn’t let the marriage end.
I tried to run away from my town. Thank goodness my husband wanted to stay and now I love where I live. (Best town in the USA!)
You see the problems weren’t my husband or my town.
The problem was I was living in so much shame.
I would make a mistake.
I would believe I was bad, broken and it was all my fault.
I believed the only solution was to start new.
The problem was where ever I would go; there would be me and my shame.
Facing my shame to find myself.
I had to do my work and it was an inside job.
I had to stop waiting for my husband to figure out what I wanted and instead ask him for what I wanted.
I had to stop worrying about what other people in town thought about me and start getting to know what I believed about myself.
I had to stop running and instead face myself.
I had to recognize all of me.
I had to give myself credit for the beauty inside of me.
I am fierce, strong, loyal, smart, and capable with a big old heart that I kept hidden.
I am also filled with flaws that aren’t socially acceptable.
I state my mind.
I have strong opinions.
I talk a lot.
I forget birthdays.
I can be judgmental. I’ve been working on letting this one go over the last five years.
Today my work is to love all of me.
The more I love all of me, the more I can let go of the things I use to protect my heart.
By allowing my heart out, I am able to connect with those I love.
By allowing my heart out, I am able to fully show up in both my personal + professional lives.
Because of my love for me, I want the life I have now instead of running away to start a new life somewhere else.
P.S. I realize you’re saying, “Koren but how do I love all of me?” I’ve got you covered … Apply for coaching with me, it’s the place for you to do this work on believing in yourself.