I’m blown away at the life I’ve created for myself.
If you don’t know my story, I was a girl who once believed “she was a loser born on loser street.”
I grew up poor in an alcoholic home.
My parents really loved us … however there was just a lot, a whole lot, of shame + pain.
Shame is highly contagious so we were all in constant shame storms.
My survival mechanism was to run.
I was a “flee-er.”
No I didn’t run away from home.
I hid inside of myself, disconnecting from my own self and beliefs.
I hid from my own emotions with food. It’s one hell of a numbing device.
When I made mistakes with friends, I’d be in tremendous shame, as I truly believed it was because of me and that I was the “bad” one.
I was in deep shame.
So I’d quit that friendship.
Disappear.
End things without a discussion.
As an adult, the running stopped working.
I was tired of running, heck I don’t even like to run athletically and I craved continuity + stability.
I tried to run away from my husband. Thank goodness he wouldn’t let the marriage end.
I tried to run away from my town. Thank goodness my husband wanted to stay and now I love where I live. (Best town in the USA!)
You see the problems weren’t my husband or my town.
The problem was I was living in so much shame.
I would make a mistake.
I would believe I was bad, broken and it was all my fault.
I believed the only solution was to start new.
The problem was where ever I would go; there would be me and my shame.
Facing my shame to find myself.
I had to do my work and it was an inside job.
I had to stop waiting for my husband to figure out what I wanted and instead ask him for what I wanted.
I had to stop worrying about what other people in town thought about me and start getting to know what I believed about myself.
I had to stop running and instead face myself.
I had to recognize all of me.
I had to give myself credit for the beauty inside of me.
I am fierce, strong, loyal, smart, and capable with a big old heart that I kept hidden.
I am also filled with flaws that aren’t socially acceptable.
I state my mind.
I have strong opinions.
I talk a lot.
I forget birthdays.
I can be judgmental. I’ve been working on letting this one go over the last five years.
Today my work is to love all of me.
My strengths.
My flaws.
The more I love all of me, the more I can let go of the things I use to protect my heart.
By allowing my heart out, I am able to connect with those I love.
By allowing my heart out, I am able to fully show up in both my personal + professional lives.
Because of my love for me, I want the life I have now instead of running away to start a new life somewhere else.
smiling,
P.S. I realize you’re saying, “Koren but how do I love all of me?” I’ve got you covered … Apply for coaching with me, it’s the place for you to do this work on believing in yourself.