I was heading to sleep when in my inbox I received an invitation.
I signed up.
I spent the next hour on my iPad surfing around a bunch of boards.
I still would not commit to post anything.
[My perfectionism can get in the way at the silliest times].
Finally at 11:14 pm I turned everything off and went to sleep.
5:10 am the alarm went off.
Should I stay in bed or go to Bikram Yoga? Hmmm.
Well I have 28 minutes to decide.
My old friend in my head told me:
- “Stay home, you can make it up another day.”
- “You are tired and will not be able to do great work today if you get up.”
But the old friend’s voice was faint. Much fainter than in the past.
I knew the truth was I would not really go back to sleep.
Instead I would toss and turn and feel guilty and remorse for not going.
I would not be living with honesty to myself.
I got up.
Staying up late did not serve me!
The old Koren would not have gone and believed the LIES of my old friend.
The old Koren would have beaten herself up for “not being responsible and disciplined getting to sleep earlier.”
However the old Koren had an All or Nothing mentality. And that lead to NOTHING a lot.
Now I am inspired to take better care of myself and get more sleep. Because I learned from that night I did not serve me to stay up and look at boards on the internet. I will do that at some other time.
I am speaking from a place of honesty because my old friend who likes to berate me is quiet and my voice is strong. I did not serve me that night. That is honest and intrinsically motivates me to continue to practice self-care for myself.