Yes my childhood was that harsh and in your face.  Do I blame my mother now?  Nope.  Did I wish for a different life?  I used to.  I thought it was the WRONG way to raise children.  And of course the right way was the opposite of how my Tiger Mom raised me.  What I did not realize was that I was doing exactly what I had been taught – Right Way – Wrong Way | Good – Bad | Smart  - Dumb | Successful – Failure.  Now I realize it’s not about the extremes it’s about the continuum in between the extremes.

Struggle

My childhood was what it was.  I can not go back and change it.  I can spend time wishing for it to be different than it was.  But how does that serve me today?  Victor Frankel, author of Man’s Search for Meaning, states that the objective of the human race is to find meaning.  The three  three ways to find meaning according to Frankel are:

• through a loving relationship
• being of service
• going through struggle

My childhood taught me some extreme conditioning.  During my adulthood, I really wrestled with the rules of life I was taught versus what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be.  It has been my struggle as an adult that has helped me learn who I am TODAY and  to create the vision for the life I want.

Thank you my Tiger Mother

In the past I may have blamed my mother or wished her to be different.  Today I am truly grateful for my Tiger Mom.  Just a few weeks ago I realized that who I am is because of my Tiger Mother.  My life’s work has been about helping people realize that it’s okay to make mistakes or not be perfect and still obtain success or achieve their goals.  I have spent the past 18 years teaching and coaching kids and adults that they are not defined by a moment, and that life is a journey.

As a parent, I have learned from my mother and modified my own parenting.  I have reflected, questioned and thought about what worked for me and what did not.  My  mother parented me her way because that was the system she understood in her country.  When I understand her intentions – to give me the best opportunities to have a great life, I can let go of my past instead of being victimized by it.  Now that I know better, it is my responsibility to do better. During this incredible journey of parenthood I am constantly observing, learning and tweaking.

Eastern vs Western

The firestorm of Amy Chua’s book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, touched the nerves of so many parents because we are worried that we may not be raising our children the correct way for them to thrive.  Her book ignited our fears.  But let’s not start judging and comparing who is right and wrong, let’s go inside and see what works for ourselves and our families.  We then come from our best selves or as I like to say my full Koren shows up and then I can really use all my skills to help me make decisions and build the relationships I would like to have with my children.

Amy Chua’s book has allowed for an opportunity for us to have a discussion.  It’s not about which parenting style is better Western vs. Eastern.  It’s about who do we want to be as parents and what is the vision we have for our children, ourselves and our relationships with each other.  Besides isn’t the “Western vs. Eastern” another form of “Success vs Failure?”  Isn’t it the extremes – where one is good and the other is bad?

I want my children to Thrive. What that means to you may be different to what I make it mean.  That’s the great thing about parenting.  There are no right or wrong ways, there are many possibilities.

Here’s my interview on KOVR Channel 13 news.

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When my clients first come to me, they are not struggling with their weight because they don’t know what to do – eat less, move more.  No they struggle with implementing the concepts and being truly honest with themselves.

So if you know intellectually what to do but are still struggling with your weight, come join us this Tuesday, July 6th for my Kick Start to Summer Weight Loss telecourse.  I will teach you the tools and help you apply your knowledge to begin losing weight and actually enjoy your summer!

My next post will be on Eating Behind Your Back.  Stay tuned….

Summer is coming, what are your plans for the summer?  Are you dreading what you will wear, if you will go to pool parties?  Is that how you want to live?  I have lost 23 pounds and not by going on a DIET or by strict workouts.  Instead I have tuned into my body to determine what I was hungry for – food or something else.  And I have found exercise that I enjoy and am inspired to do.

When I work with my weight loss clients they usually want me to give them the formula of what to eat and when to eat.  What they learn is that their bodies truly know and it is time to pay attention.

So I ask you the next time you want to eat, ask yourself “What am I really hungry for?”  Until you know whether you feel physical hunger or emotional hunger don’t eat.  Trust me the answer will come.

Learn more about my upcoming Kick OFF to Summer Weight Loss course

• Why can’t I seem to lose weight?
• Why aren’t I getting the relationship I want?
• How can I bring more money into my life?
• Why isn’t my business is improving?

First off, positive thinking does not work without actually believing the thought is possible. I have tested this many times as an athlete.  For example, when I had positive thoughts about making junior nationals as a young athlete it was more of a hope than a belief.  The hope triggered my struggle.  I began to have mental mind clutter such as:  ”I am not the chosen one; I am not good enough yet; or I don’t have the talent.”

As you can see, the the thought “I can make junior nationals” was a trigger to so many of my other limiting beliefs.

• I am not good enough
• The time is not right for me now
• I need to work harder
• I don’t have the talent

So the positive thought (“I can make junior nationals”) triggered my limiting beliefs I had about myself.  When I was finally able to make junior nationals (and I do mean finally, I was in my own way for a long time) I dropped the belief or the hope of making the time standard.  I did this by stopping the focus on the end result of my belief – making junior nationals.  I did not quit, or stop swimming.  Instead I focused on why I swam and competed – FUN!  By letting go of the thought “I can make junior nationals” the trigger to my other thoughts dissipated and I did not get attached to my more internal beliefs.

Surrender – dropping the belief

This is the letting go or surrendering part.  I did not give up or quit swimming, I began swimming again for the pure joy.  I was no longer swimming to prove my belief could really be true and therefore determine who I was or could become now that I had reached my goal.  And then by dropping the positive thought “I can make junior nationals” I swam for joy and what do you know, not only qualified for junior nationals but improved my time by 2 seconds (a lot in the swimming world).

I have taken that lesson I learned as a teenager and applied over and over again in my life’s journey.  Sure sometimes, positive thinking with my beliefs intact create the possiblities in my life.  However if I find those positive thoughts to be triggering something deep inside or I make it mean something that I so want or feel I need so badly it is time for me to stop.  I let go of the of the thoughts, remember the reason I am doing what I am doing and continue on.  And what do you know I begin to create the life I want, do the Bikram yoga pose that I so struggled with before, change my childhood money story and so many other things.

The Takeaway

When working with my clients and they ask me those questions, sometimes I suggest letting go of the positive thinking and understand why they want what they want.  And what do they make what they want mean?  By exploring those two things it can help take away the triggers and the barriers to getting the results that they truly want in their life.

To enter the drawing, complete the following survey by Sunday, December 20, 2010 at 9am PT.  Drawing winners will be immediately contacted for their mailing address.  Addresses must be submitted to me no later than Sunday, Dec. 20, 2010 by 3pm PT otherwise new winners will be drawn.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity.  Last year’s winner was WOWed by her gift basket.  This year we will be giving away three gift baskets.  One specifically will go to our newsletter subscribers.

Below is the listing of books in the gift basket:

Random House Children’s Books’

Holiday Gift-Giving Guide!

Lasting, memorable gifts for every age

Visit us on the Web at www.randomhouse.com/kids.

Picture Book

For your little prince or princess . . .

PRINCESS HYACINTH (The Surprising Tale of a Girl Who Floated)

by Florence Parry Heide; illustrated by Lane Smith

A bestselling Caldecott Honor artist and a legendary author team up to brings kids Princess Hyacinth, who has one very big problem: she floats!

Schwartz & Wade Books / 978-0-375-84501-7 / September 22, 2009 /$17.99 / $22.00 / Ages 4–8 / 48 pages

Middle Grade

Share this critically acclaimed classic-in-the-making . . .

WHEN YOU REACH ME

by Rebecca Stead

“Absorbing.”—People Magazine

“Smart and mesmerizing.”—The New York Times Book Review

Notes from a mysterious stranger lead Miranda to believe she may be the only one able to prevent a horrible death.

Wendy Lamb Books / 978-0-385-73742-5 / July 14, 2009 / $15.99 / $17.99 / Ages 9–14 / 208 pages

For comic book fans and reluctant boy readers . . .

POWERLESS

by Matthew Cody

Daniel’s new friends are superheroes who secretly do good in their town. But when their powers might be taken away, can normal-kid Daniel save the day?

Alfred A. Knopf / 978-0-375-85595-5 / October 27, 2009 / $15.99 / $19.99 / 10 up / 288 pages

For Harry Potter fans . . .

THE BLUE SHOE: A Tale of Thievery, Villainy, Sorcery, and Shoes

by Roderick Townley; illustrated by Mary GrandPré

Harry Potter illustrator Mary GrandPré lends her touch to this modern-day fairy tale printed in blue ink.

Alfred A. Knopf / 978-0-375-85600-6 October 13, 2009 / $16.99 / $21.00 / Ages 8–12 / 272 pages

For the child who loves to know it all . . .

A REALLY SHORT HISTORY OF NEARLY EVERYTHING

by Bill Bryson

Bryson’s worldwide bestseller is now in a new format for young people. Tackling everything from the Big Bang to the rise of civilization, Bryson’s inimitable storytelling skill makes scientific discovery entertaining and accessible.

Delacorte Press / 978-0-385-73810-1 / October 27, 2009 / $19.99 / Ages 9–12 / 176 pages

For the adventure-loving reader too young for Dan Brown . . .

CENTURY #1: Ring of Fire

by P. D. Baccalario; translated by Leah D. Janeczko

Start your lover of adventure on this first installment in a four-part international mystery series that will take four cities and four extraordinary kids to solve.

Random House / 978-0-375-85895-6 / September 8, 2009 / $16.99 / $21.00 / Ages 10–13 / 304 pages

For creating New Year’s resolutions . . .

TODAY I WILL

by Eileen and Jerry Spinelli

In dated entries meant to be read each day, the esteemed husband-and-wife team open with a brief literary quote, write a paragraph of lively advice, and end with a “Today I will . . .” promise.

Alfred A. Knopf / 978-0-375-84057-9 / October 13, 2009 / $15.99 / $19.99 / Ages 10 up / 384 pages

For the horse lover . . .

THE GEORGES AND THE JEWELS

by Jane Smiley

Pulitzer Prize–winning author Jane Smiley makes her debut for young readers in this stirring novel set on a California horse ranch in the 1960s.

Alfred A. Knopf / 978-0-375-86227-4 / September 8, 2009 /$16.99 / $21.99 / Ages 10 up / 240 pages

Young Adult

For your teen who likes dystopian fiction . . .

MAZE RUNNER

by James Dashner

Thomas wakes up in the Glade., a place where a group of kids is stranded with no idea of how or why they are there. The Gladers must learn to join together to find a way out.

Delacorte Press / 978-0-385-73794-4 / October 6, 2009 / $16.99 / $21.00 / 12 up / 384 pages

For the Twilight lover . . .

FALLEN

by Lauren Kate

This first novel in a darkly romantic four-book series about fallen angels and forbidden love poses the question: what if the person you were meant to be with could never be yours?

Delacorte Press / 978-0-385-73893-4 / December 8, 2009 / $17.99 / $22.99 / Ages 12 up / 464 pages

For your young comedian . . .

GOING BOVINE

by Libba Bray

When Cam finds out he’s sick, he sets off on a wacky American road trip adventure with the help of a death-obsessed, video-gaming dwarf and a yard gnome.

Delacorte Press / 978-0-385-73397-7 / September 22, 2009 / $17.99 / $23.00 / Ages 14 up / 496 pages

Holiday Themed

ZIGAZAK!: A Magical Hanukkah Night

by Eric A. Kimmel; illustrated by Jon Goodell

When two tricky devils arrive in the town of Brisk to cause mischief on the first night of Hanukkah, the town rabbi must triumph over them in a contest of wits.

Doubleday / 978-0-385-32652-0 / November 11, 2009 / $19.99 / $22.99 / Ages 4–8 / 32 pages

JUNIE B., FIRST GRADER: Jingle Bells, Batman Smells! (P.S. So Does May.)

by Barbara Park; illustrated by Denise Brunkus

When everyone in Room One picks names for Secret Santa, Junie B. gets stuck with Tattletale May! Maybe, just maybe, a Secret Santa gift is the perfect opportunity to give May exactly what she deserves.

Random House / 978-0-375-82809-6 / September 22, 2009 / $4.99 / $5.99 / Ages 6–9 / 128 pages

How The Grinch Stole Christmas! Party Edition

by Dr. Seuss

A new foil cover entices readers to rediscover the Grinch, whose heart is two sizes too small. The Grinch hates Who-ville’s holiday celebrations and plans to steal all the presents to prevent Christmas from coming.

Random House / 978-0-394-80079-0 / August 11, 2009 / $15.00 / $18.99 / Ages 6–9 / 64 pages

THE ALL-I’LL-EVER-WANT CHRISTMAS DOLL

by Patricia McKissack; illustrated by Jerry Pinkney

Christmas teaches Nella that nothing can replace the company of her sister, when the gift of a beautiful Baby Betty doll pulls them apart.

Schwartz & Wade / 978-0-375-83759-3 / September 11, 2007 / $16.99 / $21.99 Can. / Ages 4–8 / 40 pgs

A CHRISTMAS MEMORY 50th Anniversary Edition

by Truman Capote; illustrated by Beth Peck

First published in 1956, this much-sought-after autobiographical recollection of Truman Capote’s rural Alabama boyhood recalls memories of beloved holiday rituals.

Alfred A. Knopf / 978-0-375-83789-0 / October 10, 2006 / $17.95 / $23.95 Can. / Ages 12 up / 48 pages

THE NUTCRACKER

by Stephanie Spinner; illustrated by Peter Malone

The Nutcracker is brought to life in this beautifully illustrated retelling of the ballet, with a 78-minute CD of Tchaikovsky’s music performed by the Utah Symphony Orchestra.

Alfred A. Knopf / 978-0-375-84464-5 / October 14, 2008 / $16.99 / $19.99 Can. / Ages 4–8 / 40 pages

Random House Books for Young Readers, Alfred A. Knopf Books for Young Readers, Doubleday Books for Young Readers, Golden Books, David Fickling Books, Schwartz & Wade Books, Robin Corey Books, and Delacorte Press Books for Young Readers are imprints of the Random House Children’s Books division of Random House, Inc., whose parent company is Bertelsmann AG.

Welcome to How She Really Does It, the place where inspiration and possibility meet – with the help of your host, Koren Motekaitis.  More than just a radio show, website or blog spot (and yes, it’s all of these), it’s a home rich with ideas and advice.  Come on in and learn how to create the space you need to shape the life you lead.

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